So how do you?
Like anything that’s broke, it’s important how you go about mending it again. It’s like a broken leg; it has to be set straight or you end up the rest of your life crippled or with a limp.
Let it heal crooked and it’s likely we will never trust again, or promise ourselves we won’t ever let anyone close again. You probably know someone like that. You may have even met them in the mirror at some stage.
Personally, I don’t want to become a male version of Miss Havisham. The prospect is not attractive. I look like crap in one shoe and a white dress.
So how do you mend a broken heart if you have one? Bourbon, of course, is great in the short term. But it’s an anesthetic, not a therapeutic.
Long term? Some take refuge in anger. But really, what does that serve? It’s just another band-aid. We feel angry so that we don’t feel the hurt. I’ve tried that but I can’t ever keep it up anyway, so I crossed that off my list. Besides, there’s always two sides to every story.
Jim Carrey messed with forgetting. In Eternal Sunshine of the Spotlkess Mind he figured that if he could forget the past, he could get over it. He paid a medi-tech company to do it for him.
That seems great – but without memory how can we count the missteps?
What was interesting about Eternal Sunshine was that after the procedure Jim meets his former lover again (after she has also had her memory erased), and they feel an instant connection, though neither of them remembers they are colliding for the second time.
So really, does forgetting help? If we forget, we lose the one connection that may give us insight into what went wrong so we don’t do it again. Sometimes life can seem a long repetition of the same circumstance; but though I would dearly love to blame others , when I look for the common denominator in all my missteps there’s only one person showed up and had a hand in all of them. Coulda been me.
For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation – Rainer Maria Rilke
I still believe in good things that last; I know more than a few who have done it. But in movies and books soul mates see each other and live happily ever after. I wonder if it works that way. Perhaps – and it’s true of the success stories I’ve known – you have to walk through the fire before you get to the good stuff.
Only in a relationship can you know yourself; not in abstraction and certainly not in isolation. – J. Krishnamurti.
So I won’t be going to the memory erasure clinic any time soon. My remedy: one – try and learn something from it all. Two – keep believing. And three – don’t ever give up.
Because you know, one day I might just get it right.