There’s an old saying where I come from: happy wife, happy life.

And if you want a happy wife, here’s some things not to say to her courtesy of the brilliant Tim Hawkins:

If Obama was a good husband, he would have said to his wife: ‘Sweetheart, stand about a foot to the left before they take the photograph.’ You’ll see why just here:

While we’re on the subject of interesting photographs, take a look at this one.  Do you recognize this man? No? Good – because he isn’t anyone famous. He just hired a cameraman, some photographers and two bodyguards to chase him around Time Square. And look what happened!

Of course, being famous won’t necessarily mean that people will love you. Here’s what the French magazine ‘Liberation’ thinks of Mitt Romney.

To which he’d probably say: ‘Bite me.’

But that may not always be the right response, especially if he’s talking to a mosquito in the US right now. In the interests of public health and safety, you should read this post from Karen McFarland, who recently had a nasty encounter with the West Nile virus.

On the subject of public health – this is just totally brilliant. It’s really left field – but it also makes a lot of sense. Bob Mayer writes great blogs about novel writing and indie publishing: but this week he suggests that Lance Armstrong may possibly hold the key to curing certain cancers – if only he would come clean. Read this, think about it and tell me if you think it’s possible.

Do you know who invented “It was a dark and stormy night …”?

It was a nineteenth century British baron by the name of Edward George Earle Lytton Bulwer-Lytton, whose prose was so bad he had a bad writing competition named after him. Here’s a recent entry:

“The “clunk” of the guillotine blade’s release reminded Marie Antoinette, quite briefly, of the sound of the wooden leg of her favorite manservant …”

To see more  head over to Kathy Owen’s blog right here and see just how purple prose can get.

We’ll finish off where we came in, on the subject of marriage. The following video had me in stitches. Be warned, there’ some very colorful language: don’t watch it if the kids are around – or if you have custody this weekend.

I hope you enjoyed my post. And because I want to see you all back here regularly, I am offering a free copy of Looking for Mr. Goodstory to anyone who joins my blog! It’s a collection of my favorite blog posts over the last six months – all you have to do is join up, then write to me at colin underscore falconer underscore author at hotmail dot com. I’ll send you a copy as a mobi Epub or PDF file!

Colin Falconer, historical fiction

About colinfalconer

author of bestselling historical novels like Anastasia, When We Were Gods, Aztec and Harem. My books have been published in the UK, US and ANZ and translated into seventeen languages.
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  1. K.B. Owen says:

    Colin, what a hoot! Love your mashup, especially the Brett Cohen stunt. Kind of an “Emperor’s New Clothes” sort of illusion!

    Thanks SO much for the fab shout-out, too! By the way, my name isn’t “Kathy Bowen,” though – I’m K.B. Owen. The “B” is a middle initial.

    Have a great week,

  2. ciaraballintyne says:

    It’s hilarious that you can very clearly see what that newspaper thinks of Mitt Romney even if you can’t read the language!

  3. Karen McFarland says:

    “Happy wife, happy life.” Makes perfect sense if you ask me. 🙂

    Love Tim Hawkins version of the song. Shared it with the Hubby. We both laughed at that one.

    And what about Lance Armstrong? Hmm. That was an interesting take on the situation.

    Thanks for including me in your most excellent Mash-up Colin. Yep, those mosquitoes can be lethal. Who knew? Yet, don’t even get me started on the spraying. That is another nightmare. More people will become sick from that, than the West Nile virus.

    Enjoyed this post very much! Thanks and see you soon! 🙂

    • Yes, the Lance Armstrong suggestion idea really took me form left field. I reckon Bob has a point. It was a miraculous recovery. And glad you have recovered (or are recovering) form the virus. I had no idea how sick you’d been. We have a similar problem in Australia but it seems not to be so widespread these days. We just have man eating sharks.

  4. Haha! Those videos were too funny! I can’t believe people actually convinced themselves that guy was a celebrity.

    • I love the horse racing video. Still laugh no matter how many times I see it. But that guy in Time Square – they could use it as the basis for an anthropological study. Amazing.

  5. violafury says:

    What a great post! I’ve always enjoyed Tim Hawkins, but it’s been a few years since I heard this. I really love the guitar “solo.”

  6. I love Tim Hawkins! He has some of the best videos. His version of Delilah is just hilarious! Love Michelle Obama’s ‘hair,’ too. There was another photo floating around recently that drives home the need to steer clear of potted plants when cameras are around. Thanks for the chuckles, Colin!

    • I just watched Delilah – you’re right. And poor Michelle – she looked like she just stepped out of the Jackson 5. All those secret service agents and no one noticed??

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