Tag Archives: writing

ARE YOU IN DANGER OF HAVING AN ARACHNOLEPTIC FIT?

I’m writing a series about Shakespeare right now. Did you know that he introduced something like several thousand words into the English language that had never been used before? The one constant of all languages is change; neologisms appear all … Continue reading

Posted in HUMOR | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

So yew want to bee a riter?

Last week we took a look at some of the entrants in the Bulwer Lytton contest. They were all, you’ll agree, very good at being very bad. But they were trying to be awful. What about the writers who weren’t? … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , | 3 Comments

ARE THESE THE WORST 12 OPENING LINES EVER?

1. “She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , | 13 Comments

15 GOOD REASONS WHY YOU SHOULDN’T WRITE FOR A LIVING

Do you want to make a career out of writing? Here’s 15 damn good reasons to think again, straight from the trenches, from those who have been there before you. 1. Coleridge was a drug addict. Poe was an alcoholic. … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized, WRITING | Tagged , , | 11 Comments

ARE YOU MAKING THESE SIMPLE GRAMMATICAL ERRORS? A QUIZ TO FIND OUT.

The Grammar Gestapo are out there! If you slip up they’ll be onto you faster than a bull shark on a whale carcass. Even as I write this, I keep asking myself … should I have put an ellipsis there? … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

22 KINDA FUNNY, KINDA PAINFUL WRITING TIPS

Before we set out as writers we imagine a life marlin fishing off our boat in Havana, or knocking out a leisurely sentence or two while swapping bon mots with French existentialists or just appearing on Oprah week after week … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , | 9 Comments

Where I Met My First Opium Caravan

I encountered my first opium caravan in the jungle somewhere north of a place called Fang, in Thailand. To this day I cannot find it on the map. The only spare rooms were in the local brothel. My mate’s girl … Continue reading

Posted in HISTORY | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

WHAT PRICE TALENT?

THE SITUATION   Washington DC, at a Metro Station, on a cold January morning in 2007, this man with a violin played six Bach pieces for about 45 minutes. People rushed past on their way to work. After about 3 minutes, … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , , | 6 Comments

FROM AUNTY IVY TO KHUBILAI KHAN

My primary school teacher’s name was Mrs Boyne. She once told my mother at a parent interview: “Your son is a complete dreamer. He’ll never amount to anything in this life.” I still think that was a pretty harsh judgment … Continue reading

Posted in WRITING | Tagged , , | 6 Comments

FROM PONGWIFFY TO SHAKESPEARE

When she was three years old my baby girl crawled on my lap in my study and asked me what I was doing. “I’m writing a book,” I said. “Well, that’s just adicalus,’ she said. She had heard her mother … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized, WRITING | Tagged , , | 6 Comments